Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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