Are we in a gay sports bar?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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