So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
