I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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