why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
