True but thats because hes a fetus.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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