so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
