so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
