just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
found the other keg... it's in the tree
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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