oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
