Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
