So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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