Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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