i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
