Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
