I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
