I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
