Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
