There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
