I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
