he wants to bone in the snuggie
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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