i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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