well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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