i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
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