I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Randomize
