i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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