So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i think i have two assholes
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
