it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
