I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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