You're so nebulous sometimes
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
