You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
