I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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