just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
