im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
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