is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
