maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
