Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
