i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
