Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm like, not good at living.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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