he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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