I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
send nudes
from the living room?
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