she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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