I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
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