No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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