Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I stole a fireplace last night.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
