Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
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