1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
