Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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