Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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