we have officially lost it.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
