The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
