so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
