You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
