yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
