yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
