found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
the day after is always just damage control
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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