you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
